Dang. This place smells like someone’s been trying to smoke resin. Probably because I’ve been trying to smoke resin. I’m so out of weed it’s pathetic. I’m also sitting here drinking skunky beer because my fucking fridge died and everything got warm.
The beer is still better than the chicken though. That’s got my stomach a little upset.
So this crazy dyke bitch punched me in my fucking hand yesterday.
Over heard some server girls at my local, neighborhood bar and grill yesterday, they were complaining about one of the girls always being late and always having some serious reason. This one girl says,…well with her four kids and her parole, she does have a lot going on.
I just thought that was funny.
But anyway, this crazy dyke bitch punched me in the back of my fucking hand yesterday and it’s been all goofy since. Not like I don’t have full range of motion or anything like that. It just feels fucking weird. And my fingers have been feeling like they need to be popped, like right in the big knuckles. Weird.
We wandered over from these cat’s house I only met a couple of times. But they seem like good folk. The husband anyway, the wife is a crazy bitch. As I’ll illustrate thusly.
We’ll all hanging out, having a good time. I played some guitar hero with a four year old…it’s all good. Someone gets the bright idea to go to the bar. And as long as someone else is buying, I’m down for that. I’m a broke bitch.
Should I mention that we are partying with some lesbies? And these are real lesbians. Not the hot kind you see on tv and in the movies. I’m talking serious dyke, flannel wearing, carpet munching bitches. I swear to god this one bitch looks just like a fucking lumberjack with his hat on sideways.
But I’m the great broken pecker and I do not give a fuck. So I’ll party. And we’re all having a good time until this crazy dyke bitch decides to grab some idiot redneck’s ball sack.
What a crazy dyke bitch is doing grabbing an idiot redneck’s ball sack is beyond me. But she did. And idiot redneck takes exception to being grabbed in the nut sack by a crazy dyke bitch looks like a lumberjack with his hat on sideways.
That’s when shit started to escalate. I did not witness the crotchal area violation, but I witnessed it repercussions. First hand.
I mean, it’s all a little fuzzy, but this bitch was pissed and just wouldn’t calm the fuck down. And these other little bitches wouldn’t let it die. Crazy dyke bitch took a walk. And me being the only man with this group of crazy dyke bitches, felt compelled to try and help, or whatever. Plus they were all crying my name like they expected me to do something. I should have gone back inside the bar and got ol’ dude to buy me another beer is that the fuck I should have done. but no. in the back of my mind somewhere is the thought maybe I’ll see this chicks make out at some point. And by now I of course have the eye of the whoremonger and the light pole might get me going if she looks at me right.
But anyway, I follow this crazy dyke bitch across the road. Through a gas station parking lot some cops are buying coffee at or some shit. Their car is right fucking there I notice as I follow this crazy dyke bitch across the road. And when I get over there, I can’t find her. But there’s no where to go. Unless she jumped in the dumpster. And if she jumped in the dumpster, she can fucking stay in the dumpster. My job is done here.
So I walk as straight as I can back across the street, through the cop infested parking lot, and attempt to make my way back into the bar where I should have been the whole time. But these other crazy dyke bitches stop me. Two of them are married but I suspect them of being lizzies, and one of them is the chick this crazy dyke bitch has been boning. Or, well, not really boning I suppose…but you know what I mean.
So back across the street I go. And I really don’t know what’s going on, but we find the crazy dyke bitch. She’s climbed out of the dumpster I suppose and she’s just chillin’ on the other side of the street. But is angered at my approaching. Because I’m a man I suppose. Whatever.
So I reserve myself to the curb and sit and watch the traffic. Pondering my lot in life and why I continue to make poor decision after poor decision. I should be sitting in a bar hitting on fat straight girls by now.
One ol’ girl comes and sits next to me and we begin to discuss the craziness of the evening when all of a sudden I feel like I’m being punched in the back of the head. Because I’m being punched in the back of the head. I put my hands over my head to protect myself from the lesbo fury being unleashed on my for no reason I could fathom when this bitch hauls off her haymaker and it gets me right on my first metacarpal.
That shit didn’t hurt right then, but damn brother, let me tell ya. My hand is still kinda fucked up. I shoulda drop kicked that fucking muff diving ho bag.
My friend’s wife got pushed down at some point during the evening. Don’t know if that happened before or after I got clobbered. It’s all kinda fuzzy, ya know. I do remember one of the coolest mother fuckers I’ve ever met in my life breaking all red on this crazy dyke bitch. Slamming her ass in the door of the car.
I only met this dude a couple times and would not think he would act up like that, but this bitch said something to him about being able to please his woman more than he could or something, because nigga broke all red and tried to slam this crazy dyke bitch up in the car door.
At that point I was just ready to go home. I woulda let that crazy dyke bitch walk her ass on to jail. ‘cause that’s where she woulda ended up if my buddy wasn’t such a goddamned woman hippie. He called the fucking cops on her to get her to settle down. I can’t believe the cops didn’t take someone to jail. But she calmed right the fuck down when the cops rolled up.
My boy was the DD so he was sober. Or he would have never called the police…I hope. But anyway, all was good. And we were all loaded safely in the car. Me separated from the crazy, violent dyke bitches. We were on the way home. My buddy had selected the smooth jazz channel on the radio and put no talking resolution into effect in his car. It was quit masterful the way he handled the situation.
He handles retard for a living. And hey, really drunk dyke bitches really aren’t that different from retards after all.
But anyway, we are all set up in the car, ready to go, when my other boy. Crazy little bitches hubby comes out and tries to pully crazy dyke bitch out of the car and fuck her up in the car door.
I almost spilled my beer.
I’m pretty sure crazy little wife bitch has eaten crazy dyke bitches pussy. Or the other way around. Probably both ways around. And crazy dyke bitch spouted off some personal shit made ol’ dude hubby go about ape shit. And I can’t really blame him. I wanted to choke slam that bitch earlier.
It was little wife bitch keep the situation hot. She just wouldn’t leave crazy dyke bitch alone. She just kept at it. Trying to talk to her when she didn’t want to be talked to. Just let that crazy dyke bitch and that dumpster alone. They ain’t hurting no body right now. Just let them be. But no.
Little crazy wife bitch did try to save my life I must say. When crazy dyke bitch attacked me because she thought I was trying to make out with her chubby, not pretty dyke girlfriend sitting on my curb I told you about earlier, crazy little wife bitch straight tackled her ass. It was kinda awesome to see this crazy little wife bitch all sprawled out on top of crazy dyke bitch.
Not worth getting rocked up side the head, but pretty cool.
It was nuts, man. The two dyke bitches that were together were at each others throats on the ride home. As you might imagine. Regardless of the no talking directive issued by my retard wrestling, cop calling, sober driver.
I’d a said eat her pussy and shut the fuck up. But I wasn’t allowed to talk. I mean, that’s all she wanted anyway.