love the one you’re with.

what a bunch of shit that is.  it’s nice to think that way, but i feel like shit when i try it.  meaning i have fallen in love with a girl i cannot have.  she lives at the apartment of a special forces army dude who is in iraq killing women and children.  he sends her his money and she takes care of it for him.  might as well be married with an arrangement like that.  and that seems to always be the woman i fall for.

and we have been getting pretty close lately.  going to the movies and cuddling up, holding hands even.  i’m just lucky we havn’t fucked yet.  because then i’d have a real hard time with it when her douchebag army bf comes home in two weeks.

it’s weird, but if i’m attracted to a girl and really like her, the love making part turns my whole insides upside down.  but if i’m not interested in a girl, or not attracted to a girl, i can fuck her and smack her on the ass on the way out and not think twice about it.

i’m fucked up, i know.

so we had the talk the other night.  the “are you still going to be my friend when my douchebag boyfriend that doesn’t appreciate me and treats me like shit gets home” talk.  i felt like i got dumped.  and i guess i kinda did.  she had become my best friend over the last few months he’s been out of town.  i mean fuck, i went to a protestant church service last sunday so i could see her play the piano.  and it was awesome.  i loved it.  not so much all the protestant crap, but just being there with her.

everywhere we go people think we are a couple.  because we act just like a couple.

but all that has to end.  and to try and get myself in the right frame of mind i called this chick up that loves my cock.  thinking maybe getting it on with another chick will help my get my mind right.  love the one you’re with, right?  bullshit.  i feel worse than ever.  not only do i feel like i’m cheating on the woman i really do like, but now i feel like i’m just using this sweet, dim little girl.  because i am just using that sweet, dim little girl.

but if that sweet, dim little girl was about 110 pounds instead of 150, i’m sure i wouldn’t feel near as guilty about it.  and now i feel guilty about being so goddamned vain.

this is why i am the great broken pecker.

what a worthless bitch.

that could be another title for the book.  because i am a truly worthless bitch.  i’ve been sitting here all day waiting on the tv guy to come fix the big ass tv that’s been doing nothing but collect dust for the last month.  he was supposed to be here by noon.  it is now 1:49.  he just called to say he’ll be there by 2:30.  great.

but i’ve got nothing else to do until then so i thought it would be a good idea to surf for some spank material on myspace.  so i did.  i love all those slutty little girls out there.  brings a smile to my heart.

oh well.  now that that’s done.  guess i’ll smoke some pot and play some video games…

i can’t win for losing.

so i was sitting around getting no pussy the other day when i decided if i can have my cock wrapped in 25 year old pussy, i probably aughta have my cock wrapped in 25 year old pussy.  so tonight, i decided to throw it to this little 25 year old who loves my cock.  and my cock loves her tight little 25 year old pussy.

and it’s okay.  i mean, it gets the job done.  i’m just not really interested in this girl for anything else other than having her 25 year old pussy wrapped around my cock.  and that’s a shame.  she’s really a sweet girl.  notice i dind’t say smoking hot girl.  and that’s her downfall.

no matter how i try to rationalize it, the reason i’m not interested in her is because she doesn’t turn me on physically.  i mean, sure, if she wants my cock i’ll give it to her now and again.  but that’s about as far as it’s gonna go.  i could say somehting like we just don’t like the same things, or have different interest, or my friends don’t like her, or she’s boring.  i could go on and on, but when it gets right down to it, if she were sexier, read thinner, then it would be on like donkey kong.

and that’s a terrible thing to say.  but they don’t call me the great broken pecker for nothing.  she’d be a hella catch at thirty pounds lighter.

but i decide to throw it to her tonight anyway.  i’m just kinda in the mood.  been jerking off the last couple of days like a fucking champ and thought i needed a little real pussy.  some nice, tight 25 year old pussy.

and wouldn’t ya know it, the one girl i would pass up pussy for calls me while i’m with her.  and i miss the call.  she drove forty five minutes out of her way to come see me.  and i didn’t take her call because i felt the need to get my rocks off.  which is a totally acceptable reason for blowing off a friend.  male or female if they are truly friends.  but i’m still left feeling like i let her down.  and that makes me sad.  and sick to my stomach that i’m so fucking shallow as to miss spending time with the girl i really do like to have some 25 year old pussy wrapped around my cock that i don’t really care about at all.

i am the great broken pecker.

i’m a teenager living in 30-something body.

so i smoked some weed with a couple of the teenage boys from work last night.  probably a bad idea.  but fuck it man, i was jonesing hard.  next step is going to be boning one of the slutty teenage girls that work there.  i really need to get out of there before i’m brought up on statutory rape charges.

but anyway, during my pot smoking experience with the young boys i realized that i am no different than they are.  i enjoy getting high, listening to music and talking about girls.  somewhere along they way my maturity stopped maturing.  which is all good to me.  i remember promising myself many years ago that i would never grow up.  and i’m doing a pretty bang up job if it.  yay me!

but i also made somewhat of a psychological breakthrough.  i think i understand what oedipus was talking about all those years ago.  and hanging out with the teenagers made me realize it.  we all are just looking for momma.  and the reason so many of us marry women similar to our own mothers is because we use her as a role model.  meaning we want a woman that’s going to be there for us.  a lot of times we want a woman to take care of us.  who am i kidding, that’s all we really want.  we want a woman that’s going to take care of us.  help us tie our shoes, make it to school on time, help us with out homework, and stroke our hair when we don’t make the football team.

we want to run and play with our friends the come home and let momma fix us a chicken salad sandwich on homemade bread, fried in butter.  and pat us on the head and tuck us in.  it just gets a little weird because we also want to fuck her.