band practice was pretty good tonight. but i seem to have lost my wallet. maybe i should lay off the pot. i mean really. i lose shit just by standing up. last night, i lost a pen cap. without even moving. it’s like one second it’s there, the next it’s lost. like i went through some sort of time warp and everything but the pen cap came with me.
i mean, i was just sitting right there. i didni’t even move.
i lost my remote control the other night. but i got up. probably to smoke some pot. then i couldn’t find my remote. that’s irritating enough. but when i’m just sitting there? crazy.
so there’s this little girl i like to go hang out with. she’s not giving it up yet. which kinda sucks. but i like hanging out with her more than this one chick that loves giving it up. but whatever. let me expound on that a second.
this one chick i’d been seeing. we never had the we are exclusive talk. and when it came up, we just said we weren’t exclusive. but she always asked me that if i slept with anyone else i should tell her. and i think that’s fair. so i fucked this other girl. and i told her about it. we talked and decided we should be fuck buddies. since that’s pretty much what we had been anyway.
so i thought all was good. but then she decides she’s off fuck buddies. and wants to be all exclusive and boyfriend girlfriend and all that mess.
guess i should never have said anything about fucking that other girl. smooth. but that’s just some BS. they ask for honesty and openness and all that. you know what honesty gets ya? no more pussy, that’s what.
but anyway, there’s this other girl i like who won’t come off with the tail because she’s got a bf and she’s just not like that. not yet, anyway. but it’s crazy. i will leave this girl who likes to give it up to me to go hang out with this other girl who ain’t givine me any. although the girl that likes giving it up ain’t coming off it these days either because i refuse to tell her that i’m giving it to her and only her.
i should lie more.
but anywho…i forgot what i was talking about.
oh yeah, crazy bitch crashed her car. girl that’s not giving it up, that is. the girl who has yet to give it up i should say. gotta remain positive. she had come up to watch a movie with me and on her way home she said her car tried to kill her. she said it all of a sudden goes into neutral and the steering and brakes go out. that’s kinda odd i thought, since if my car goes into neutral i can still steer and brake.
i went down to where she had pulled off the road. her car isn’t too badly damaged. just some minor body damage. i drive her car around the parking lot and the transmission feels fine me. her brakes do suck and she does drive too fast and it was raining. so i’m pretty sure she was going too fast, had to stop, hydroplaned and hit the guardrail. twice. her front bumper and her rear bumper both this the same guardrail. which leads me to believe she hydroplaned.
but whatever. i was her hero that night. she said to me she just wanted to go to sleep in my arms. i explained to her that that could be arranged. then i accused her of coming up with this crazy eloborate scheme to lure me back to her apartment. when all she had to do was ask.
but no. she didn’t even let me in her apartment. because it was dirty was what she said. and i half believe that. and i think half because if she had me in there i’m pretty sure it would have been on. and she’s not that kind of girl. and her bf could hunt me down and kill me dead. he’s like this crazy military dude who jumps out of airplanes and rescues people in hot spots. which i guess is about the best job you could ever have. i mean, how cool is that? think you can pick up chicks with that line? yeah, i jump out of airplanes and save peoples lives. just another day at the office.
not yet…
oh, and i just love it that my number one blog on here as far as most viewed is about the fifteen year old camel toe. just love it.
and speaking of fifteen year old camel toe, when did underage camel toe become the preferred fashion? not that i have a big problem with it, it’s just crazy. little girls love putting on white shorts that are two sizes too small and pulling them all the way up until you can perfectly make out that sweet, little, untouched flower blossom. only i bet most of the time it isn’t quite so untouched. that’s a scary thought.
Tags: blog, crazy army paratrooper, crazy bitched crashed her car, fifteen year old camel toe, i gotta stop smoking weed, jump out of airplane, marijuana, pot, underaged camel toe
