taboo poon

So I was pretty much required by man law to go and give this girl the goods.  I mean, first, she tempted me with chili cheese fries.  Then she drove them to me about a half hour out of her way.  Then she drove me home and curled up with me on the couch.

 

Then she started rubbing on my and whispering to me that she wasn’t a tease.

 

But then she had to go home.

 

But she wanted to have a sleep over the next day.  And sent me a text to tell me her legs weren’t the only thing she shaved today.

 

What?

 

How am I supposed to not?

 

I mean, yeah, I work with her.  And we are totally not allowed to date.  It’s in the handbook.  But fuck the handbook, right?

 

That’s what she said anyway.

 

Well, so I went and gave her the goods.  And it was good.  And she wants it again.

 

I’m sure the fact that the poon is somewhat taboo makes it more attractive to the both of us.  And where we work there’s lots of dark corners for some real excitement on the job.  This might get interesting.

 

But never forget, I am the Great Broken Pecker.  Let’s see how I can fuck this up.

what to do? what to do?

i got this incredible urge to go sit at a bar and just get shitty drunk.  it’s only 1:30 though.  and my liscense is technically suspended.  well, not technically.  it is.

so i’m rolling the dice whenever i get behind the wheel anyway.  much less an unnecessary trip to a bar just to get drunk.  back and forth to work is at least a must, ya know.  and that might get me busted anyway.  i figure the odds of getting pulled over increase prbably exponentially everytime i drive.

so do i really wanna pick today to increase those odds?  i mean, i do need to go to the bank and probably to get a starbucks while i’m out.  but i can just sit here and smoke my pot and play my bass.

besides, i’ve not even showered for like two days. 

but i am the great broken pecker.  and i simply do not give a fuck.

drunk blog.

like they all ain’t.

i am the great broken pecker and i have decided that chocolate and beer is good.  therefore i must try chocolate flavored beer.  and i’m excited about it.

kicked an old lady in her walker tonight.  she was giving me lip.  fucked that old broad up.

here, sort through this BS.

I am the great broken pecker.  And I really don’t give a fuck about driving on my suspended liscense.  So here I am, with my liscense suspended because of my second DUI.  And I’m here firing up a bowl sitting in my car leaving work.

 

I mean, I’m rolling the dice driving even to work and back.  Much less getting stoned driving.  But fuck it.  I drove across town yesterday to have coffee with a chick I get to come pick me up and drive me to alcohol classes.

 

I don’t give a fuck. 

 

I remember back when I was in middle school I learned what the word apathy meant.  And I remember thinking, my life is fulfilled.  I know now what I’m here to do.  I’m here to not give a fuck.

 

And I take comfort in that.

 

Something else I’ve decided to take comfort in is the fact I’m turned on by hottie little teenagers.  Sorry .  their tight little nubile bodies make me wanna do bad things to them in the dark.  Oiled up with movie popcorn butter.

 

And I don’t think that’s ever gonna change.

 

I am the great broken pecker.  And here I am.  Getting stoned in my truck after work.  Rolling the dice by driving in the first place seeing as how my liscense is suspended for DUI.  Alcohol, that is.  Under the influence of.

 

I don’t drink and drive no more.  That’s for sure.  But I’m an excellent stoned driver.

 

I might end up in jail over that.  But fuck it.  I’ve been pulled over twice in the last four years.  I just happened to be drunk both times.

 

I also just remembered, or realized, how good m and m’s and beer is.  Or I might just be stoned.

nigger cops.

I am the Great Broken Pecker and I went out last night even though I didn’t really wanna.  But since it was the eve of my home incarceration, I figured what the hell.

 

The plan is to go to this late night sub joint that has fifty cent beers.  Yes, I said fifty cent beers.  Totally generic beers.  White cans that say in black letters across them, BEER.  Who knows what this shit is.  But you can get fucked up with three bucks.  And that’s a deal.

 

But we got stoned on the way down.  And as happens with stone folks, they get lost.  And we got lost.  Ended up smack in the middle of downtown.  Stonewall keeps asking me where to go. 

 

To which I reply, “nigga you driving.  I don’t know where the fuck we’re at.  I don’t know how to get there from here.  But I do know how to get to the XXX Bar.”

 

And that’s where we went.  And let me tell ya, these muther fuckers don’t give a shit about no goddamned smoking ban.  They’re firing it up all over the place.  They just don’t care.

 

And I respect that.  Even though I’m an avid non-smoker.  Fuck the man says I can’t let people smoke in my establishment.  You don’t wanna deal with smoke, go the fuck somewhere else.

 

So that’s what we did.  After a couple beers of course.  I like this place.  Although I did one time almost get my ass whupped and got asked to leave by the bartender.  But he was an asshole.  And it was ten minutes until closing.  And I had been doing cocaine and drinking bourbon for a long, long time.  You’ll get kicked out of some establishments when you’ve been doing cocaine and drinking bourbon for a long, long time.

 

I love the chicks at this place.  Tattooed and freaky.  And not afraid to show a little PDFA.  Public display of female affection.  These girls are awesome.

 

And I love the portrait of J. Edgar Hoover hanging above the bar.  And this is the kind of place where they just might have a tiny camera in J. Edgar’s eye just for the irony.

 

And they do have the best juke box in town.  Without a doubt.

 

There’s a table of hotties just sitting there.  Three of them all alone.  No dudes.  And this should be time for me to shine.  But unfortunately I’m drinking beer tonight and just started.  The pot makes me a little shy sometimes.  But the bourbon helps. 

 

I had a great line I tried to get Stonewall to go drop.  But he’s a pussy.  I always say he’s something like a bitch.  I keep telling him to get into touch with his lesbo side and hook us up with some real freaks. 

 

But he don’t.

 

There was this one dude at this place and I’m hoping he was in a metal band.  He had long black hair down to his ass.  But it was like super ultra mullet.  His hair wasn’t short in the front, it wasn’t there in the front.  The front half of his head back to his ears was shaved completely off. 

 

Stonewall said he looked pissed.  I said with a haircut like that I’d be pretty pissed too.  I really hope he’s in a metal band.

 

So we puss out on this joint and head for home.  But we still don’t quite know where we are and how to get to the interstate.  So Stonewall’s all stoning, driving like an idiot and a cop gets behind him.  He’s not been drinking but he’s stoned out of his gourd and he starts to freak out.  Because we really have no idea where we’re going and he’s all paranoid this cop is gonna pull us over. 

 

So he’s like, “man, I gotta get off this road.  I fucking hate cops!  They freak me out, man.”

 

He pulls a right down some fucked up road and the cop drives on.

 

He says, “That cop didn’t follow me.”

 

“Yeah.  Did you want him to?  Pulling down this fucked up road.  This road don’t even go no where.”  I says politely.

 

He says he feels better about it though and we drive on.

 

Now we’re really fucking lost.  A couple streets later we find ourselves right in the shit.  Man, this is the fucking hood right here.  You know those big, crappy ass apartments they pile poor black folk into?  We are surrounded by them.

 

There ain’t nobody on the street but this one black dude in a hoodie.

 

“Dude, let’s get the fuck out of here.  Wherever the fuck this is.”  I urge.

 

Stonewall says to me, “what?  You more scared of niggers than cops?”

”Hellz yeah.  A cop is just gonna take me to jail, a nigger might steal my truck and leave me bleeding on the sidewalk.  And don’t get me started on nigger cops.  They might stab me, steal my truck, the take me to jail.”

 

 

 

 

so i banged an old cougar last night.

I am the great broken pecker and I nailed an old cougar last night.  And it was good.  And it was also terribly easy.  Of course nothing that fine should ever be called terrible.

 

She’s a broad of around 38.  In the middle of a divorce with three kids.  Well, not really in the middle of a divorce I guess since she just told her kids over Christmas break they were getting the big D.

 

Merry Christmas.

 

But anyway, I’ve been flirting a little with her over the last few months.  Recently via text.  I always thought I was gonna nail her little friend but it’s funny how things work out sometime.

 

Wait, did I mention the fake boobies?  Or I should say the surgically enhanced post baby bazookas.

 

These things are fantastic!  Both her and her little friend have these cannons that just blast you in the face as soon as you meet them.  It’s like, BAM.  Them some big ole titties.

 

I text her up and tell her where I’m gonna be.  Our usual spot at the local Applebee’s bar.  And I’m feeling it early.  Been drinking a little bourbon so my confidence level is way up.  And I’ve been planning.

 

I’ve decided that there is no replacement for a well laid plan.  I told my buddy the line I was gonna drop on her before we set out for the night.  I said, the line for tonight is, “you act right tonight little girl and you just might get some action.”

 

A little ballsy perhaps, but I’ve always heard luck favors the bold.  Never more true when it comes to bagging old cougars.

 

So it’s on.  I join her for a smoke or two.  And I’m an avid non-smoker ya see.  But I will use it as an excuse for a little one on one time.  And it worked to perfection.  Luckily it was a slow night.  Apparently we had just missed some severe racial tension at the bar for which about four police cruisers were dispatched.  So there really wasn’t a lot going on down at the local Applebee’s on this night.  None of those asshole hometown cock blocks.

 

I take the opportunity to give her a few smooches while we are freezing out on the bench having some death sticks.

 

I’m amazed at the smoothness with which I operate sometimes.

 

Then I just knock down the first domino.

 

“We ain’t got no money to go downtown.  So we’re just going over to my friend’s house.  Our friend the bartender here at this establishment is coming over too when he gets off work.”

 

“Where does he live at?”

 

“Benetton Lake subdivision.  Just over there.”

 

“Hmmm, that’s close to home.  I live just over on fourth.”

 

“Great, so you’re coming right?”

 

“Sure.”

 

It all just comes together so nicely after this.  A lady friend of my friend shows up and starts chatting with him.  I sense a double win.  Maybe even a triple win if we play it right….

 

Here’s the plan I laid out for my friend.  She’s taking me back to your place.  You and your sexy little friend here are making a beer run.  She knows also that Jonny bartender here is coming over when he gets off.  That’s why you guys are running for beer.

 

My friend says great idea.  You got money for beer?

 

Well no, but by the time you guys get back it won’t matter you ain’t got no beer.

 

And you know what?  It didn’t.

 

Knowing I had little time and that this sexy old broad with big fake titties was primed and ready to go, I got right on with it.  This is how it went.

 

We walk in the front door and start making out.  She has to pee so I show her to the bath where I drop to my knees and start to kiss her stomach.

 

She’s a little self conscience about her stomach.  Most 38 year olds with three kids are.  So I pay a little special attention with my lips and some ever so gentle licks.

 

I leave her to do her thing and proceed to clean off the futon in the spare bedroom by tossing all my friends shit into the floor.  Then I pour myself a glass of fine Kentucky bourbon and fire up a bowl from earlier. 

 

She comes back into the living room and sits on the couch.  I sit next to her and start to make out again.  Then I stand up, take her by the hand and say, “come here.  I wanna show you something.”

 

I take her to the spare bedroom with the futon and lay her down on it.  Kissing from her neck to her stomach.  All the while cupping her fabulous D cups with my hands.  I reach over and turn the light out.  Then curse myself for doing so. 

 

“Damn.  Now I can’t see them.”

 

As I undo her bra with a flick of my fingers and pull her shirt off over her head.  A little kissing, licking, nibbling and sucking ensue.

 

The shoes are tossed haphazardly over the floor and the jeans soon follow.  Her panties are still on as I spoon her close to me and grasp her clit between the second and third finger of my left hand.

 

And she comes.

 

I really like it when she makes those little whimpery, lustful sex noises.

 

Good times.  Now it’s her turn.

 

After a few seconds of oral for me I realize this might take a while.  And I ain’t got a while.  Damn girl.  We’re gonna have to get together sometime when we got the time to work on this.

 

I can’t believe there are women out there still don’t know how to pay proper attention to the balls.

 

I grab her by the hair and pull her up to kiss me.  As our lips meet, I reach down and grab her by the hips and pull her up to the straddling cowgirl position. 

 

Being an old cougar like this I was hoping for some inside ejaculation action.  Which is really nice.  But she ain’t having it tonight.  And I guess that’s okay since she did put my balls in her mouth after told her to and she’s letting me stick my cock in her.  So I say okay, but I have to cum on her tits.

 

To which I think she took a little delight.

 

I pull my cock out and push her upper torso down towards my pelvis and slide my cock between her super rockets.  She has one hand on my cock, stroking it between her breasts.

 

And thank you ma’am.

 

Unfortunately my cum bounced off her unnaturally bouncy boobies and landed right back on my own chest.

 

A small price to pay.